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Tales of the AAA/4Kids: The Rise to Power
''4Kids: The Rise to Power'' Norman J. Grossfeld stood by as the wheelbarrow with several potato sacks, with the ends tied shut with rope, were being wheeled in by Melvin. "Here you go, President Grossfeld.", Melvin said. "More anime for us to make better." "Take out the first one.", President Grossfeld ordered. Melvin untied one of the sacks and dumped out the person inside. "Where am I?", Satoshi asked. "Satoshi...", President Grossfeld said. "You have been brought here to further the might of 4Kids Entertainment." "How do I do that?", Satoshi asked. "Florence, get the Localizagun.", President Grossfeld said. Florence pulled out a gun with a smiley face on it. He pointed it at Satoshi's face. "Welcome to 4Kids...", President Grossfeld, "...Ash Ketchum." Florence pulled the trigger on the Localizagun. A blue energy surrounded Satoshi. The name on his backpack changed from Satoshi to Ash Ketchum. 4KIDS: THE RISE TO POWER Brandon Soto was watching Pokémon while smoking marijuana out of a bong. However, something was very, very wrong. The TV show referred to Satoshi as Ash Ketchum. However, there was a nighttime scene where Ash was seen in a sleeping bag, which still had the name "Satoshi" on it. "That sleeping bag conflicts with the established continuity of this show!", Brandon said. "I, Brandon, shall get to the bottom of this!" Suddenly, Brandon's window was shot out. His marijuana bong exploded. A car immediately drove away, burning rubber and leaving a trail of exhaust. Brandon, now with his face looking like a prune (or a person's finger right after getting out of the shower), ran out of his house. "Don't think you're getting away with that!", he shouted. He ran up to the garbage truck, which was currently emptying garbage from a trash can. Brandon pointed a gun at the driver. "Follow them!", Brandon shouted. "Don't let them escape!" The garbage man floored it. The garbage truck sped away as fast as the car it was chasing. Brandon pointed another pistol at the driver of the car. He fired, hitting the driver in the back of the head and killing him instantly. The person who shot out Brandon's window aimed his sniper rifle at the garbage man and fired. The garbage man was hit in the chest. Both the car and the garbage truck wobbled uncontrollably. The two vehicles reached a busy intersection. The car failed to stop in time and was knocked out of the road by another car, and the garbage truck got out of the intersection scot-free. "Can you stop this thing?!", Brandon asked. "I don't know!", the garbage man said. "This wound's pretty bad!" The garbage truck wobbled into the other lane, hitting the car going the opposite direction. Though the garbage truck was slowed down considerably, it was still going pretty fast. Suddenly, the front right tire exploded. It had been shot out. The garbage truck violently veered left, falling onto its side and eventually tumbling over and over again. Brandon let go of the garbage truck. He slid several inches as the garbage truck came to a complete stop. "Garbage man!", Brandon shouted. Brandon (now with a skinned knee) ran over to the garbage truck. The garbage man was still alive, albeit heavily injured. "Are you OK?", Brandon asked. "I think I'm dying.", the garbage man said. "Don't say that!", Brandon said. "I need to tell you something.", the garbage man said. He reached into his lunchbox, pulling out an apple. He gave it to Brandon. "After I die, that apple will turn into a Devil Fruit.", the garbage man said. "I want you to use its powers to take those guys down." Brandon began to cry. "I will.", he said. The garbage man smiled, then closed his eyes. His head turned to the right, and his smile slowly disappeared. Brandon looked at the apple. It turned from red to purple with blue swirls. "Well, here I go.", Brandon said. Brandon slowly took a bite of the fruit. However, he quickly realized that the fruit tasted like ass and he wanted to spit it out. However, remembering the garbage man's dying promise, he swallowed with all of his might. All of a sudden, Brandon became aware. Aware that he was nothing more than a fictional character in a string of Internet stories that shared a universe. "I know now what I must do.", Brandon said. Brandon kissed the garbage man's corpse on the forehead, then stood up. He was surrounded by the three surviving agents. "Drop the Curséd Fruit!", one of them, carrying a larger version of the Localizagun, shouted. Brandon looked at the Devil Fruit. The apple had turned back into its normal red color. "Okay.", Brandon said. Brandon dropped the apple. He grabbed his pistol and shot the soldier carrying the Localizagun in the stomach. Before the other two soldiers could react, Brandon shot them both in the head. The still-living soldier fell on his ass, leaned against a house. Brandon walked over to him, leaned down on one knee, and got so close to the soldier's face that they could smell each other's breath. "Look at my face.", Brandon said. "You see how I look like Freddy Krueger did the nasty with a topographical map of Utah?" "Yeah?", the soldier asked. "You're the one who did that shit to me.", Brandon said. "Now tell me who you're working for and where your base is." "I can only tell you that 4Kids orchestrated the attack.", the soldier said. "As for my base..." The soldier opened his mouth wide, revealing a cyanide capsule inside. "...you'll never get the location!" The soldier bit down hard on the capsule. His mouth started to foam, and before long his head leaned over to the side. "Damn it!", Brandon shouted, punching a hole into the wall. "Now where do I go?!" Brandon thought for a moment. He remembered that the soldier said that 4Kids was behind the attack. If he found out what 4Kids was, then maybe he could find its base and kill the guy behind the whole thing. "I know just where to go.", Brandon said. #### "Oh, damn, I forgot about time zones.", Brandon said. "Who the hell's up at this hour?" Brandon then remembered, anyone could be awake as long as the plot needed them. "I know where I must go now.", Brandon said, reaching his hand out into the street. A double decker bus conveniently drove by. When a bar attached to the bus came within reach, Brandon grabbed it, having to run across a park bench before getting onto the bus and taking a seat next to some old guy. "Da-da doo doo doo.", Brandon said. "Another one rides the bus. Da-da doo doo doo. Another one rides the bus. And another one on, and another one on, and another one rides the bus. Hey, you'd better get on too. Another one rides the bus." "Nice pun work there, feller.", the old man said. "Why should I care about you?", Brandon asked. "You'll probably be dead before the sequel." "I'll die when I'm ready!", the old man shouted. "Where you headed to, young man?" "Wammy's House.", Brandon said. "There's something I need checked out." "Need what checked out?", the old man asked. "There were some people who tried to kill me.", Brandon said. "They said they were 4Ki--" The old man covered Brandon's mouth. "Don't say that name out loud!", the old man said. "They have eyes and ears everywhere! If you speak out, they'll kill you!" #### President Grossfeld, Melvin, and Florence were working hard to produce quality localized products. "No, we can't have him brandishing a gun!", Florence told an editor advising a new episode of Pokémon. "And we certainly can't have Meowth wearing a Hitler mustache.", Melvin said. "There's too much that needs to be scrapped.", President Grossfeld said. "Scrap the episode, we'll move on to the next one." "But President Grossfeld...", Florence said. "This episode has Ash catching a whole herd of Tauros! We can't scrap this episode; people will get confused!" The three started to hear footsteps, which gradually got louder. Suddenly, they saw Enel, who appeared through the wall. "President Grossfeld!", Enel said. "There are two conspirators talking about us in Winchester, England! One of them is the person we tried to kill earlier today!" "Very well.", President Grossfeld said. "Send in the sleeper agents." #### The double decker bus continued on its way. It traveled under an overpass, and suddenly stopped. The force sent Brandon, the old man, and everyone else on the bus flying forward. "Ow!", Brandon said. "What the hell?!" Everyone on the bus began to hear police sirens. Several police cars appeared from different locations and rammed themselves into the bus, sending everyone inside flying about; one person on the top of the bus fell off and hit the sidewalk pavement head-first, killing him instantly. "This ain't good.", the old man said. All of the police officers stepped out of their respective cars pointing machine guns at Brandon and the old man. "Shit!", Brandon said. "What do we do, old man?" "I told you, my name's Charles!", the old man said. "And I don't know! I don't even know why they're here, unless they're from The-Organization-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named..." That was all Charles managed to say before the driver of the bus grabbed a shotgun and shot Charles through the chest, killing him instantly. "CHARLIE!!!", Brandon shouted in shock. Brandon grabbed his pistol and fired a shot at the driver's head, only for it to bounce off with a loud klang! "He's a robot!", Brandon said. The driver's left arm transformed into a laser cannon. The driver quickly turned towards everyone else on the bus before opening fire, killing all of them with a single shot each. "Stop that!", Brandon shouted. The robot tried to shoot at him. However, Brandon grabbed his sword and deflected the blast. The robot fired again, and Brandon deflected the blast again. The robot fired, and Brandon deflected it. The robot fired, and Brandon deflected it. The robot fired again. Brandon threw his sword so that it split the laser blast in half. The laser hit Brandon in the face, and the sword went through the robot's head, killing it. Both bodies fell on the ground. The policemen put their guns down and began to help the frightened people on the top of the bus down. Little did the police officers know, Brandon survived the laser blast to his forehead. He stood up and walked over to the robot's body. "I need this.", he said, pulling his sword out of the robot's body. "He's still alive!", a police officer shouted outside. "Everyone, get away now!" The civilians started to run away as the police officers put their machine guns back up and started firing at Brandon. Brandon was hit by several bullets before he pointed his pistol at the police officers. He shot three officers in the head with one bullet, and they all fell to the ground. The stunned policemen briefly stopped firing. "Alright, you assholes!", Brandon said. "I only have eleven bullets left, so you guys are gonna have to share!" "Eleven?!", one of the police officers asked. All of the police officers started to laugh. An angry Brandon, steam coming out of his ears, pointed his pistol at one of the police officers and shot his machine gun out of his hand. The machine gun went flying into the bus, falling onto a body inside. Brandon and the police officer reached for it, but Brandon grabbed it first and pulled the trigger, shooting the officer in the face. Brandon held his fire, killing all of the police officers in the area. Brandon pulled the trigger. A small klik! sound was all that was heard. Tossing the machine gun away, Brandon, out of breath, put his sword away and walked out of the front of the bus. "And I still need to get to Wammy's House...", Brandon said. #### President Grossfeld was talking to Noah Kaiba. "You sent ALL of the sleeper agents in Winchester to kill him?", Noah asked. "I did.", President Grossfeld said. "But Enel, so far, has given me no word on their fate." "Very well, Norman.", Noah said. "But, unfortunately, I have to break the news to Mr. Yuki." Noah pressed the button to the intercom. "Mr. Yuki, could you please come to my office?", Noah asked. About five seconds later, Jaden Yuki walked into Noah Kaiba's office. "You called, Mr. Kaiba?", Jaden asked. "Yes.", Noah said. "Unfortunately, Jaden, we've lost the dubbing rights to Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, and so we can't have you here any longer." Before Jaden could react, Noah reached into his desk drawer, pulled out a silver Stoeger Cougar 9mm pistol, aimed it at Jaden, and shot Jaden in the chest three times. Jaden's body fell onto the ground backwards. Noah turned back towards President Grossfeld. "Good day, Norman.", Noah said. "Hopefully it will be..." The screen went black. At that moment, Enel ran in. "President Grossfeld!", Enel shouted. "Brandon Soto wiped out all of the sleeper agents we had in Winchester!" "ALL of them?!", President Grossfeld asked. "What's he doing now?" "He's...", Enel said, "...checking into a hotel?" #### Brandon walked out of the front of the hotel. "I need to get to Wammy's House.", Brandon said. "We've been teasing the readers long enough." #### Brandon looked up at the cloudy gray sky. "Do the people here know what the sun is?", Brandon asked. Brandon knocked on the door of Wammy's House. Someone unlocked the door, and an old man answered it. "Are you Wammy?", Brandon asked. "Quillsh Wammy, I am.", the old man said. "Just call me Watari." "Listen, Watari.", Brandon said. "I need to talk to one of your children. There's a certain organization that's been after me." "Which one of the children?", Watari asked. "You know which one.", Brandon said. Watari hesitated for a second. "Come on in, then.", Watari said. Brandon entered, closing the door behind him. Watari locked it. The two walked through the house, past all the children. "How have you been, sir?", Watari asked. "Well, I've spent the past day trying not to get shot.", Brandon said. "I can't even tell you how many people I saw die within the last 36 hours." "Interesting.", Watari said. "They normally don't make this much of an effort to take someone out. You must be special." "How do you know so much about 4Ki--?", Brandon asked. Watari placed his hand over Brandon's mouth. All of the children looked towards them. "Don't say it!", Watari whispered. "They have ears everywhere!" Watari looked at all of the children. "Carry on, children.", Watari said. The children resumed doing what they were doing beforehand. Brandon and Watari continued to walk towards the room. "I...", Watari said, "...used to... work... for... the... organization." "You used to work for those bastards?!", Brandon asked. "Aye.", Watari said. "They have an agent by the name of Enel. He ate the Rumble-Rumble Fruit, and combined with an ability of his called 'Mantra', allows him to hear every conversation on the planet simultaneously." "Geez.", Brandon said. "Can't imagine the headaches he must have. Or the lack of sleep." "If someone talks bad about the organization, or even merely mentions the organization by name...", Watari said, "...he can immediately pinpoint their location. He then has the organization's president, Norman J. Grossfeld, send the nearest agents to them and kill them." Watari looked at Brandon. "You just happened to be the lucky one who survived the hit.", Watari said. "And if someone doesn't die, they'll keep sending agents until they do. The organization has a reach beyond any organization in history; almost every city or town in the world has agents present in some amount." "So, basically, I can kiss my dreams of completely wiping them off the map goodbye.", Brandon said. "I see Occam's razor still holds true.", Watari said. Watari and Brandon approached a door with a brass letter "L" in the Old English Text font on the front. "Here we are.", Watari said. Watari knocked on the door. "What is it?", a voice asked on the other end. "There's someone here to see you.", Watari said. "Come in.", the voice said. Watari opened the door. The first thing Brandon noticed was a young man of about 24 with black hair sitting on the bed (which took up a large chunk of the floor space) in a way that, to Brandon, looked like he was about to take a huge dump on the bed. The young man looked away from his laptop. "Nice to meet you.", he said, smiling and extending his hand. "L Lawliet, at your service." #### Enel was concentrating in on Brandon's conversation. There was a hint of trouble in the air. People would inevitably find out about 4Kids' existence, not only because of Agent Wammy spilling the beans to Brandon, but also because of the large amount of bodies that were left behind after the battle in the double decker bus. Hell, even L Lawliet was reading about it on his laptop. "This isn't good.", Enel said to himself. "People will start to question all this activity. I had better inform President Grossfeld." Enel walked down the hallway that led to President Grossfeld's office. He could hear President Grossfeld talking to someone. Enel opened the door. President Grossfeld was talking to an angry Noah Kaiba. "Enel, get out!", President Grossfeld shouted. "Can't you see I'm talking to Mr. Kaiba?!" The big screen with Noah Kaiba turned towards Enel. "Well, Enel...", Noah said, smiling evilly, "...how was the mission?!" "Don't tell him!", President Grossfeld shouted. "Agent Wammy has turned!", Enel shouted. "He's leaking secret 4Kids information to Brandon Soto and L Lawliet!" A flabbergasted President Grossfeld sat back down in his chair. The big screen with Noah Kaiba, now extremely angry, turned back towards President Grossfeld. "You failure!", Noah shouted. "You had three chances to kill Brandon Soto, and you screwed up every time! You're useless!" "No, Mr. Kaiba, I can explain!", President Grossfeld said. "Shut up!", Noah shouted. "I'm sending the 4077th to Winchester! And once Brandon Soto is dead, I'M COMING FOR YOU!" The big screen shut off and went back into the wall. "Wonderful.", President Grossfeld said. "Just wonderful! I'm a dead man!" "President Grossfeld, I'm sorry!", Enel said. "Unless...", President Grossfeld said. "You can use your Curséd Fruit powers to go anywhere, right?" "Yeah, but I don't see how that helps.", Enel said. "The 4077th are trained soldiers from around the world! They protect Mr. Kaiba and the Big Five; for them, failure is punishable by death!" "We go to Winchester and kill Brandon ourselves.", President Grossfeld said. "Then Mr. Kaiba will have no choice but to give me a promotion! Then I won't have to kiss his ass anymore!" "President Grossfeld, you're a genius!", Enel said. President Grossfeld held on tightly to Enel's arm. Enel turned into electricity, which zapped up into the air. #### "So you're telling me that they've been orchestrating attacks against you since yesterday?", L asked. "Yeah.", Brandon said. "I was watching Pokémon when I noticed that Ash's sleeping bag said "Satoshi" and not "Ash"." "Oh, damn...", L said. "What is it?", Brandon asked. "It's a practice called localization.", L said. "Once they get the dubbing rights to an anime, they edit it beyond recognition so that it's acceptable for American television." "Those bastards!", Brandon said. "That's not all; it gets worse.", L said. "You want to know why 4Kids is the big name in anime dubbing? Because once they get their hands on an anime, they don't let go. So if and when they lose the dubbing rights for an anime, they take all of the localized characters, kill them, and then destroy the bodies, so that no other companies can dub their anime." "Oh, no!", a shocked Brandon said, pressing his hands against his cheeks. "It's about to get worse.", L said. "Rumors are circulating around that 4Kids is in talks with Toei Animation and Fuji TV to get the dubbing rights for One Piece. It has a huge following in Japan. One Piece isn't exactly kid-friendly, so if 4Kids gets the rights they'll edit it so much not even its own creator will recognise it." "Hah!", Brandon said. "It's spelled the British way!" Suddenly, an explosion occurred near L's room. The room shook from the explosion. "What the hell was that?!", Brandon asked. "It had to have been 4Kids!", L said. "But how did they know where we were?!" "Enel!", Watari said. "It had to have been Enel!" Brandon opened the door to L's room. Enel and Norman J. Grossfeld were standing in the living room. Enel struck down R with a lightning bolt, then struck V through the chest with a lightning bolt, then killed T with a bolt through the head. Brandon and Watari ran out of L's room. "Enel!", Watari shouted. Enel and President Grossfeld looked. "Agent Wammy!", Enel said. "You traitor!" "I couldn't go on with any of 4Kids' operations!", Watari said. "You evil bastards are ruining anime! That's something I don't want to be a part of!" "Is that so?", Enel asked. "Well, I hate to tell you, Quillsh, that the only way out of 4Kids is death!" Enel struck Watari through the chest with a lightning bolt. "Watari!", Brandon shouted. "Watari!", L shouted from his room. Both Brandon and L ran to Watari's body. The area where he was struck had smoke coming out. "Why do old men keep dying around me?!", Brandon asked. "It makes it really hard to care about them as a character when they're killed off five minutes after they're introduced!" "Is this guy on drugs?", Enel asked. "THIS is the guy we've been having trouble killing?!" Brandon stood up. "I'm gonna do to you what you did to Episode 35 of Pokémon...", Brandon said, "...completely wipe you off the face of the map!" "Which episode was that?", Enel asked. "The one where Ash catches a whole herd of Tauros.", President Grossfeld said. "Was that ever brought up again afterward?", Enel asked. "That seems like something that would confuse audiences!" "Yeah, but there were guns in the episode!", President Grossfeld said. "We can't have guns in anime!" Brandon pulled out two swords and swung them at Enel. Just by touching Enel, the swords glowed bright red and melted. "Are you forgetting that metal conducts electricity?", Enel asked. The molten metal began to float in the air, until it formed a metal spear in Enel's hand. Enel threw the spear through Brandon's head; Brandon fell on the ground. "I killed him!", Enel shouted. "Brandon A. Soto is dead!" Enel and President Grossfeld began to cheer wildly. In fact, they cheered so much that they didn't notice Brandon standing up with the spear still in his head. Brandon carefully pulled out the spear and threw it through Enel's head. Enel and President Grossfeld turned around, Enel removing the spear from his head. The hole in Brandon's head began to seal itself up. "What?!", Enel asked. "Curséd Fruit powers?!" "Precisely.", Brandon said. "The Devil Fruit that I ate allows me to break the fourth wall. But it also gives me immortality." "Immortality?!", President Grossfeld asked. "So does mine, stupid.", Enel said. "So what?" "My Devil Fruit also gave me the magic satchel!", Brandon said. "I can pull literally anything out of it!" Brandon pulled out a brown duffel bag, unzipped it, and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. Brandon ran towards Enel and slapped the handcuffs onto Enel's wrists. Enel's knees buckled out. "President Grossfeld!", Enel shouted. "I'm feeling weak!" Brandon pulled out two pistols and shot Enel through the head with them. Enel, now dead, fell onto the ground. "What did you do to him?!", President Grossfeld shouted. "The same thing I'm gonna do to you.", Brandon said. "Answer my goddamn question!", President Grossfeld shouted. "Sea-Prism Stone.", Brandon said. "There, you happy?" Brandon quickly pointed his pistol at Norman J. Grossfeld's head and shot him. At that moment, several black vans pulled up. Brandon looked at them. Police officers were looking back at him. One of them pulled out a walkie-talkie. "Uh, Mr. Kaiba, this doesn't look good.", he said. "Both Enel and President Grossfeld have been killed by Brandon Soto." "Norman was a coward, a fool, and a failure.", Noah said on the other end. "His death isn't worth mourning." "What do we do now?", the man asked. "Come back to New York.", Noah said. "We will devise a new plan." "Yes, Mr. Kaiba.", the man said. All of the black vans pulled out and drove away. "And thus ends the tale of Tweedle-dick and Tweedle-balls.", Brandon said, putting his pistol away. Brandon walked over to L and patted him on the shoulder. "Sorry about the mess.", he said. Brandon walked over to the door and tried to open it, but the door was still locked. Brandon unlocked the door, opened it, walked out, and closed the door behind him. #### Brandon was looking out of the window of the plane. "Water, water, and more water.", Brandon said. "It's making me want to pee." A short, attractive young girl with long black hair and red eyes walked over to Brandon's row and sat down next to him. "I need to have a conversation with you.", she said. "Follow me to the bathroom." She grabbed Brandon's hand and ripped him out of his seat. "Woohoo!", Brandon said. "Mile-High Club!" The two went into the bathroom, locking the door behind them. "You know, you're kind of young to be doing this.", Brandon said. "Silence.", the girl said. "We need to keep this down, this is top secret information." "Information?", Brandon asked. "My name's Akame.", the girl said. "I'm here from the World Government. They heard about you killing the president of 4Kids, and the Admirals want to thank you personally." "Where?", Brandon asked. "At my house? In the middle of the sun-blasted shithole that is Texas?" "Be quiet!", Akame whispered. "And where did they get you, the Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium?", Brandon asked. "Nah, just kidding, the government doesn't care about those kids." Akame pulled out a sword and pointed it at Brandon's throat. "How did you make it past customs?!", Brandon asked. Akame put her sword back into its sheath. "Don't worry about it.", she said, smiling and winking. Akame unlocked the bathroom door, opened it, and walked out. Akame walked back to her row, sitting next to Leone. "So, Akame, how was it?", Leone asked. "Did you get some action?" "Leave me alone, Leone.", Akame said. As Leone continued to tease Akame, Brandon walked out of the bathroom slowly. "Did you get some action?", a man sitting near the bathroom asked. "I will throw you out of this plane.", Brandon said. The man tried to say something funny, but couldn't think of anything, so he just sat quietly. Brandon walked over to his seat and buckled back in. A voice came over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we will begin our descent shortly, so please buckle in." THE END Don't click away, there's more below! At 4Kids Entertainment Headquarters in New York City, everything was silent. Pictures of Enel and Norman J. Grossfeld were hung up on the wall. A gold nametag under Enel's picture read "ENEL — 1970-1994"; the nametag under Grossfeld's picture read "NORMAN J. GROSSFELD — 1963-1994". "I can't believe President Grossfeld is actually dead.", Florence said. "Please.", Melvin said. "You should be more shocked that Enel is dead." "The time for mourning is long gone.", Noah Kaiba said. "Now is the time for moving forward with our grand scheme: spreading the glory of 4Kids all over the world!" "4Kids! 4Kids! 4Kids!", the room began to chant. Brandon will return in Brandon: Issue #1. Category:Tales of the AAA Category:Moderate Category:Rapids' Stuff